When you load a washing machine, you may have the issue that I have where the machine begins to rock like a jumping bean under a glass, making the most horrible noise and making you think your machine has secretly been a Decepticon the entire time and it is reckoning day. I had always heard that you are supposed to load the drum in an even manner, but always thought that it was bogus (like how I think separating colors and whites is just segregation for laundry and I won't stand for it) but after sending my grandmothers washing machine to the moon a couple times she finally stepped in to impart some education.

1. Load N :LiArrowBigRight: E :LiArrowBigRight: S :LiArrowBigRight: W (or 12, 3, 6, 9, whatever you call it)
2. Think of everything in terms of T-shirts, so a single T is 1 while a pair of denim jeans might be 2 or 3 (it's 2)
3. Make even piles in each of those directions, leaving a space in the middle
   1. This is only applicable if you don't have an agitator in your drum (If you don't, I am sorry. She and I decided that its dumb as hell to not put one in a washing machine, but thats not why we are here today)
4. Fill the machine about halfway up the drum
   1. Okay, this is one of those machine dependent things. We agree that your clothes should be submerged in water for optimal washing. Her machine, even on deep water setting still does not do this to her liking, so the halfway mark is what she has determined is best for her machine. You do what you will with that information. (I hate this because it means more washing, and laundry is one of my most hated chores ever)
5. Play with your machine settings until you find the optimal configuration.
   1. And don't trust what the machine says the settings are for. You will just have to take shots in the dark sometimes to figure out what settings combo works best for you

What I am taking away from this is that washing machines are dumb, laundry is stupid, and I am literally two seconds away from just going all "boil my clothes in a giant copper pot" a la the mother in the original Willy Wonka movie so I can lament my sad life and bother the neighbors late at night. Wayyyy more my speed.